Rough time in Iowa breaks to beauty nearing the end

Last Tuesday really sucked. I skyped my family that were spending time with my Gpa Arne since he had just days left. Seeing him through skype was awful. My strong, intelligent gpa was weak with sunk in eyes. He seemed to already be gone. I had a hard night getting past the fact that I was not with my family. I am so blessed with a close family. Even though it is my great-grandfather, he played a large role in raising me. I was able to fly home on Friday. It was a huge blessing to be around everyone; being supported through this rough time. Part of me wishes that I had never seen him like that. It was so hard. I wanted him to know I was there, but I didn’t want to look at his face. We had a lot of solid family time. I got to support my Gma MaryLou a lot, which was important to me.

But what I wanted to share was, at church this morning it was wonderful to be around brothers and sisters in Christ worshipping. Nearing the end of the service we took communion. After we drank from the cup, we sang Holy, Holy, Holy. This song brought visions of Arne in Heaven before his father. Not in the state that he is in right now, but in a perfect state better than I have ever seen him. I had tears of joy. Arne is going to sing with the angels soon. Mourning is happening for my family right now, but Arne is starting a new, permanent season. He’s taken such good care of himself that is strong body is not giving up very quickly, but soon, very soon. He is going to be home with the Lord. Beautiful. What Beauty, in pain.

Little Update

Timing

I was floating on clouds almost all day today. I got solid information this morning about the next steps to starting up the community garden I am working on. Then I got new pieces to the housing stuff! Guys, I am moving into a HOUSE. My House! I love it! I move in in the next 3 weeks. Then we had a staffing at work. Have I mentioned that I love my internship like SO much. I am looking forward to things working out so that I can continue to work there. YAY!

God is just putting so many things into place. I mean the things that are happening I couldn;t dream up. Just in awe. :)

Dreaming

I am easily excitable, and I love to start things up.

This makes me ponder is it worthwhile to dream...

I have been thinking about all the different sorts of ideas recently due to my internship involving lots of thinking time. I get to think about big projects that have the potential to be amazing. I have to throw myself into them though. The main thing that continues to hold me back is, I don't know where I will be working this April. I want to start something I can finish.

I've started getting some warm fuzzy feelings when I drive down Gallatin. I don't know what God has in store there, but I want to be a part of it. I want to know all of these people. I want to love them. I want them to love me. I want to be a community. Could it all fail? YES! Could a garden potentially fail? YES! Could a coffee shop fail? YES! But if I look at all of this, what is the point of dreaming. I come back to the starting line so often... I jump to the line to get ready to go, and then I get tripped before the race even starts. I fall on my face. I feel like I could keep turning to others to "make sure I am not crazy", but I am not sure that is the way to be. I need to have support, but I am doing something I believe in. I believe in each of these ideas. I know they all can't happen due to them being explosive ideas, but who ever said I was conservative... I am just struggling because every time I have come up with an idea that is out the roof; my feet get slammed back on the ground and I fall over. But then I think of that illustration of a fish that is swimming the opposite direction of all the other fish. Do I want that bad enough?

What do I do with the apathy that is so apparent in the community I am trying to work with? Really the apathy in our country. How do I get past handing things out and have people work to get and give. Will that come with thought or does it take action? Will it come with time? The biggest thing always comes back to relationships. Loving people. I don't know exactly what is possible with the area, but relationships will make the difference. Building trust. The love is there. I feel like I am on the banks of a new shore, and God has given me a heart for these people. The cool part is I am part of "these" people. I have similar struggles. I speak the language... well mostly, learning spanish would be to my advantage. :) But it isn't even a mission field. Its making friends, being friends, supporting each other. Walking into an unclear future together.

So I guess it all comes back to what am I willing to give of myself. Do I really want this? After giving everything I got, it could fail. But is that really a reason not to try?

So, I will set some goals and see if God is behind what I intend to do...

And I am off again........

Creative....

Not a word that I would generally use to describe myself, but with this project I am working on at my internship, I think creative is true. I have been working hard to get as many people to respond as possible whether going door to door, shoveling walks, or using the county assessor to get names of property owners and calling... its working kinda. I hope to get a lot more responses by Friday, but the numbers are growing. :) I am working on a project to get a neighborhood to become more united by having them take ownership of some properties in the area. It's been interesting and its only the beginning. :)

Oh, the weather outside is frightful... haha. The wind is making it a little worse, but hey, I am an Iowa girl right?

Told my gparents and my parents that I am staying in Indiana after graduation. I guess it went over alright... we'll see how they respond after a few days. I'm so ready to move into a home and get a job that will last more than 3 months. Yay for getting close to graduation!

This weekend I was lucky enough to get off a half hour early at my internship. Saturday I got to spend helping my church out. We bought a new building and had to paint and such. I painted. :) Saturday night got to hang out with Michelle watching movies. Then Hanniebananie showed up. We got to chat it up. Church this morning was awesome as normal! This years phrase is "Love wins" I am excited to see where that leads. The challenge was for everyone to do 50-100 hours of community service! I hope we achieve it. This afternoon I get to hang out with my small group :D

Anyway, I am in a box. I like things done a particular way. I want to jump ahead in the future to cause other things to get done quicker and well. I think there is good and bad involved in that type of thinking. I feel that God wants me to do particular things and then I get inflexible about how they are going to come about. It's an interesting concept that I have only thought about a little. It comes up more recently since I am about to graduate from college. I think about where I am going to end up, the options that I have, what I would like to do, what I think I should do... and the thought processes continue. I have one thing nailed down. If I stay put in this town, I will be moving into a new apartment. Everything else continues to be up in the air. God, please help me to have a good attitude, patient attitude, and willing attitude.

Day 3

I am entering Day 3 of my internship. Coffee in hand. :)

I'm hopeful for the future of this internship. I love the people that I am working with. It's an awesome mix of personalities. I have been seriously blessed by the supervisor and "assistant to the supervisor" I am under. It's pretty stinkin' awesome. This first week has been and will probably continue to be hard. But soon they will have time to train me and set me on my feet. I am excited. But for now I am off to start day 3. Hopeful of the future. :)