This makes me ponder is it worthwhile to dream...
I have been thinking about all the different sorts of ideas recently due to my internship involving lots of thinking time. I get to think about big projects that have the potential to be amazing. I have to throw myself into them though. The main thing that continues to hold me back is, I don't know where I will be working this April. I want to start something I can finish.
I've started getting some warm fuzzy feelings when I drive down Gallatin. I don't know what God has in store there, but I want to be a part of it. I want to know all of these people. I want to love them. I want them to love me. I want to be a community. Could it all fail? YES! Could a garden potentially fail? YES! Could a coffee shop fail? YES! But if I look at all of this, what is the point of dreaming. I come back to the starting line so often... I jump to the line to get ready to go, and then I get tripped before the race even starts. I fall on my face. I feel like I could keep turning to others to "make sure I am not crazy", but I am not sure that is the way to be. I need to have support, but I am doing something I believe in. I believe in each of these ideas. I know they all can't happen due to them being explosive ideas, but who ever said I was conservative... I am just struggling because every time I have come up with an idea that is out the roof; my feet get slammed back on the ground and I fall over. But then I think of that illustration of a fish that is swimming the opposite direction of all the other fish. Do I want that bad enough?
What do I do with the apathy that is so apparent in the community I am trying to work with? Really the apathy in our country. How do I get past handing things out and have people work to get and give. Will that come with thought or does it take action? Will it come with time? The biggest thing always comes back to relationships. Loving people. I don't know exactly what is possible with the area, but relationships will make the difference. Building trust. The love is there. I feel like I am on the banks of a new shore, and God has given me a heart for these people. The cool part is I am part of "these" people. I have similar struggles. I speak the language... well mostly, learning spanish would be to my advantage. :) But it isn't even a mission field. Its making friends, being friends, supporting each other. Walking into an unclear future together.
So I guess it all comes back to what am I willing to give of myself. Do I really want this? After giving everything I got, it could fail. But is that really a reason not to try?
So, I will set some goals and see if God is behind what I intend to do...
And I am off again........
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