So in Abnormal Psych there was this guest lecture, I missed it, but was given a briefing the next day. It was talking about a predisposition to violence, homosexuality, and addictions. We discussed whether there would be benefits from like changing the genetics of a person, so that they don't have to struggle with that. I thought about it for a bit, and decided that if that opportunity was available. I would be game. I think there would be lots of struggling Christians that would be game. I haven't struggled with attraction to a girl in a long time. Praise Jesus. But I do struggle with things like walking through stores, wondering what people think of me, wanting to be different, and so on. Like today, I thought about this while walking through the gap. I looked through the woman's department and didn't really see anything (this is abnormal), but my gma convinced me to try on a pair of jeans. I did, they were too long haha, go figure. Then when we were walking out, I saw this amazing shirt. It was so awesome, I said something to my gma without thinking. "I really like this shirt!" "It's in the MEN'S deparment." Well, I feel like an idiot.
I like my haircut, but I keep getting nervous around my gpa, because I think that he might call my haircut a dyke cut. That would really hurt my feelings. I don't really know how to struggle through this stuff because where is the line between being me and conforming to culture. Or what really is me, like do I have some underlying issues that cause me to want to dress and act the way I do? I believe there is probably some purpose in me not fitting in. I mean what I want to do with my life is work with people who don't fit in. Whether it be mentally ill people, teen's that are pregnant, or even homosexuals. All sets don't fit in. I don't fit in. Why can't I accept that and just be me. I have too many classes right now that are talking about homosexuality, addictions, impulse control, and other things that I can relate to my life. Even though I wouldn't diagnosis myself with any of them, I have parts of them.
I get to go to a group home for pregnany teens on Tuesday morning. I am excited for that. And writing an editorial on Family Problems this week should be fun. And I am forcing myself to learn about the disorder anorexia nervosa for my abnormal psych course, so that I am more sensitive to it. I praise God for the opportunities and experiences I am getting in Indiana.
PS.. I still want a dog. I wish May would get here quick!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Cool Sculpture!
http://www.chronicle-tribune.com/articles/2009/02/03/news/doc4987b8e5edef0861313829.txt
Monday, February 2, 2009
My 25 things.... :P
1.) I don't like to shave very much, so I get really hairy legs. (but it makes the after shave legs seem even better haha)
2.) I vowed not to work with teenagers several years ago... and continually since then when I am around them, but God is calling me to work with Teen Pregnancy.. go figure.
3.)I have Temporal Lobe Epilespy. Gran mal seizure November 2000.
4.) I like to count.
5.) I enjoy cleaning bathrooms. (They are usually the messiest, so they have the most improvement. I'm all about improvement in every area)
6.) I bite my nails, hardcore habit.
7.) My blood sugars tank sometimes, and i shake like a monkey.
8.) I desire to be a good role model for my younger sister. (I love her a lot.)
9.) I tend to really want to talk to a lot of my friends, but fail to make the time to do so....
10.) I like to wrestle.
11.) I can't wait to get married and a.) lay on my hubby's belly and b.)wear his t-shirts to bed. :)
12.) 12 is my favorite number and it reminds me of when I use to play catcher.
13.) I am a visionary person, i like to dream BIG. Pray BIG!
14.) I am very detail oriented.
15.) I have to repent of being selfish almost every day. :P
16.) I love worshiping through music for long periods of time: analyzing the songs, praising Jesus, and usually I have a lot of visions during that time.
17.) My favorite drink is Diet Mt. Dew followed closely by UNSWEETENED ice tea.
18.) I am a gift giver... I love to think of things to give people--- by gifts or by words.
19.) I am cuddler too... I LOVE IT!
20.) I get random desires to have things happen to me like having a bird poop on my head.
21.) I once peed my pants in a friend's family's snowsuit and didn't tell. Oops. :-/
22.) I take the Bible literally and enjoy my personal relationship with Jesus... conversing with the Holy Spirit.
23.) I have an instinct that God is going to have me adopt instead of have my own children... I'm not ok with that yet.
24.) I planned on going to school for an MRS degree, but met a particular someone who enjoys helping Jesus mess up plans... I am currently contently single.
25.) I have always loved the underdog, believed in the underdog, and desired to be friends with the underdog. I am going to spend the rest of my life working with underdogs and empowering them beyond the potential they believe is possible. I just need to learn were I end and God begins. :)
2.) I vowed not to work with teenagers several years ago... and continually since then when I am around them, but God is calling me to work with Teen Pregnancy.. go figure.
3.)I have Temporal Lobe Epilespy. Gran mal seizure November 2000.
4.) I like to count.
5.) I enjoy cleaning bathrooms. (They are usually the messiest, so they have the most improvement. I'm all about improvement in every area)
6.) I bite my nails, hardcore habit.
7.) My blood sugars tank sometimes, and i shake like a monkey.
8.) I desire to be a good role model for my younger sister. (I love her a lot.)
9.) I tend to really want to talk to a lot of my friends, but fail to make the time to do so....
10.) I like to wrestle.
11.) I can't wait to get married and a.) lay on my hubby's belly and b.)wear his t-shirts to bed. :)
12.) 12 is my favorite number and it reminds me of when I use to play catcher.
13.) I am a visionary person, i like to dream BIG. Pray BIG!
14.) I am very detail oriented.
15.) I have to repent of being selfish almost every day. :P
16.) I love worshiping through music for long periods of time: analyzing the songs, praising Jesus, and usually I have a lot of visions during that time.
17.) My favorite drink is Diet Mt. Dew followed closely by UNSWEETENED ice tea.
18.) I am a gift giver... I love to think of things to give people--- by gifts or by words.
19.) I am cuddler too... I LOVE IT!
20.) I get random desires to have things happen to me like having a bird poop on my head.
21.) I once peed my pants in a friend's family's snowsuit and didn't tell. Oops. :-/
22.) I take the Bible literally and enjoy my personal relationship with Jesus... conversing with the Holy Spirit.
23.) I have an instinct that God is going to have me adopt instead of have my own children... I'm not ok with that yet.
24.) I planned on going to school for an MRS degree, but met a particular someone who enjoys helping Jesus mess up plans... I am currently contently single.
25.) I have always loved the underdog, believed in the underdog, and desired to be friends with the underdog. I am going to spend the rest of my life working with underdogs and empowering them beyond the potential they believe is possible. I just need to learn were I end and God begins. :)
Life Catch Up
Whew. It's been awhile. Couple weeks. How much can life change? Hmmm.....
I'm walking into a dream starting tomorrow. I have yet to have any experience with Teen Pregnancy, but I have also committed at least the next ten years to this issue that is so prevalent in the community I am living in and across America. I start volunteering with YWCA tomorrow. I start learning how to empower women in a healthy way. I start my first step in a dream that seems impossible. I think about doing a turn about face from the end result I desire, but it's so far away I have trouble seeing it. A week from tomorrow I go to a group home to check out how that works with Teen Pregnancy. God has given me the gift of working in a group home, so that I know how to run one. Wow. I never saw that coming... thought it was a good experience... never dreamed I'd need it for God's will in my life. Pray for me as I embark on what I believe God has called the next years of my life to do. Also pray for God to give me a team of girls to embark on this journey with me. There are skills I don't possess, I really need the Body of Christ to team up with me.
I've also been thinking a lot about identity vs role diffusion. I think that is the Erikson stage I am in. I am learning about what I believe and realizing that I can believe whatever I want. My dad can help direct me, but I am on my own to discover and choose things. I am growing up. It's interesting to think of hard questions.. one that comes to mind is Did God create the world in 7 24 hour days? I've never thought or cared about that before. I care more about relational questions.
I thought I would throw out there, life is becoming manageable. Thanks for your prayers. They were answered! And today, I was challenged to again surrender my life and goals and everything to God through prayer this morning. I also desire to read my Bible more. I am in awe of the truth and revelation in the Bible. God is good!
I wonder sometimes how beneficial it is to ponder my past. Like is it worth walking back through. Sometimes there are great benefits. Like the other day, I vividly remembered my grandparents house on Franklin in Ames. I remember the comfort I found in being around my grandparents. I felt a sense of the love from my grandma through things like her itching my back, cooking pizza with me, walking over to the park, among other things. I just had a firm security there. Jumping on the trampoline, going to the track behind the house, riding in my barbie car, i think we even had a garden at some point, I felt loved by the room i had, i remember many bathes in the tub gram doing my hair under the faucet, being scared of the boogie man downstairs, watching tv next to my grandpa.. knowing he would always take care of me, toby, spending the night sleeping between gram and grandpa, helping gram do things like making the bed, the cracks in the driveway, riding my tricycle that had a dump box, the swingset, the big tree, playing hide and seek, but primarily.. I remember being SAFE there.. i was still insecure and scared, but more secure than anywhere else. Man, God blessed me with my grandparents. I think they might get to come out this weekend and I am super pumped. I miss them alot brings tears thinking about it. What a huge blessing. A gift.
I hope as I work through more bitterness that I will be able to recall memories like this of my mom and dad. The blessings they gave me growing up. It hurts sometimes to think about how much I wanted to grow up and be like my mom. I love her. I loved doing laundry with her, seeing her take such good care of our house. And dear old dad, I be just like him. I got to talk to him this morning, it always brightens my day. He has come so far over the years. To think, today the first person I want to ask advice from is MY DAD. I love him. He rocks my face off. He is growing so much. I hope to marry a guy like him someday. He helps run a business, he leads, he comes out of his past and plows through walls. He's walked out of a divorce and today holds his head high. Oh I love him.
Maybe I have found some worth in thinking about my past.
Another thing, I am the President.. i repeat PRESIDENT of a club. That means I am in charge.. I haven't realized that yet. Pray that I would take iniative in leading the club.
The final thing I have been pondering is friendships... I like have been visualizing a pieces of a puzzles. the different friendships are different puzzle pieces. I love my friends. I love that they're there when i need them. I don't like learning to trust people, but God is doing a work here in Marion with me trusting. It's a beautiful thing. I have some tight friends here, and hopefully I will be meeting some people to team up with me in my mission. :)
Life is good. God is good. I am blessed. The End.
I'm walking into a dream starting tomorrow. I have yet to have any experience with Teen Pregnancy, but I have also committed at least the next ten years to this issue that is so prevalent in the community I am living in and across America. I start volunteering with YWCA tomorrow. I start learning how to empower women in a healthy way. I start my first step in a dream that seems impossible. I think about doing a turn about face from the end result I desire, but it's so far away I have trouble seeing it. A week from tomorrow I go to a group home to check out how that works with Teen Pregnancy. God has given me the gift of working in a group home, so that I know how to run one. Wow. I never saw that coming... thought it was a good experience... never dreamed I'd need it for God's will in my life. Pray for me as I embark on what I believe God has called the next years of my life to do. Also pray for God to give me a team of girls to embark on this journey with me. There are skills I don't possess, I really need the Body of Christ to team up with me.
I've also been thinking a lot about identity vs role diffusion. I think that is the Erikson stage I am in. I am learning about what I believe and realizing that I can believe whatever I want. My dad can help direct me, but I am on my own to discover and choose things. I am growing up. It's interesting to think of hard questions.. one that comes to mind is Did God create the world in 7 24 hour days? I've never thought or cared about that before. I care more about relational questions.
I thought I would throw out there, life is becoming manageable. Thanks for your prayers. They were answered! And today, I was challenged to again surrender my life and goals and everything to God through prayer this morning. I also desire to read my Bible more. I am in awe of the truth and revelation in the Bible. God is good!
I wonder sometimes how beneficial it is to ponder my past. Like is it worth walking back through. Sometimes there are great benefits. Like the other day, I vividly remembered my grandparents house on Franklin in Ames. I remember the comfort I found in being around my grandparents. I felt a sense of the love from my grandma through things like her itching my back, cooking pizza with me, walking over to the park, among other things. I just had a firm security there. Jumping on the trampoline, going to the track behind the house, riding in my barbie car, i think we even had a garden at some point, I felt loved by the room i had, i remember many bathes in the tub gram doing my hair under the faucet, being scared of the boogie man downstairs, watching tv next to my grandpa.. knowing he would always take care of me, toby, spending the night sleeping between gram and grandpa, helping gram do things like making the bed, the cracks in the driveway, riding my tricycle that had a dump box, the swingset, the big tree, playing hide and seek, but primarily.. I remember being SAFE there.. i was still insecure and scared, but more secure than anywhere else. Man, God blessed me with my grandparents. I think they might get to come out this weekend and I am super pumped. I miss them alot brings tears thinking about it. What a huge blessing. A gift.
I hope as I work through more bitterness that I will be able to recall memories like this of my mom and dad. The blessings they gave me growing up. It hurts sometimes to think about how much I wanted to grow up and be like my mom. I love her. I loved doing laundry with her, seeing her take such good care of our house. And dear old dad, I be just like him. I got to talk to him this morning, it always brightens my day. He has come so far over the years. To think, today the first person I want to ask advice from is MY DAD. I love him. He rocks my face off. He is growing so much. I hope to marry a guy like him someday. He helps run a business, he leads, he comes out of his past and plows through walls. He's walked out of a divorce and today holds his head high. Oh I love him.
Maybe I have found some worth in thinking about my past.
Another thing, I am the President.. i repeat PRESIDENT of a club. That means I am in charge.. I haven't realized that yet. Pray that I would take iniative in leading the club.
The final thing I have been pondering is friendships... I like have been visualizing a pieces of a puzzles. the different friendships are different puzzle pieces. I love my friends. I love that they're there when i need them. I don't like learning to trust people, but God is doing a work here in Marion with me trusting. It's a beautiful thing. I have some tight friends here, and hopefully I will be meeting some people to team up with me in my mission. :)
Life is good. God is good. I am blessed. The End.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Desire to blog
I am going to commit to blogging tomorrow night. I have some stuff, I want to throw out there. I am sleepy currently, and I have a test tomorrow. BUT I am going to blog tomorrow night. :)
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