Life Catch Up

Whew. It's been awhile. Couple weeks. How much can life change? Hmmm.....
I'm walking into a dream starting tomorrow. I have yet to have any experience with Teen Pregnancy, but I have also committed at least the next ten years to this issue that is so prevalent in the community I am living in and across America. I start volunteering with YWCA tomorrow. I start learning how to empower women in a healthy way. I start my first step in a dream that seems impossible. I think about doing a turn about face from the end result I desire, but it's so far away I have trouble seeing it. A week from tomorrow I go to a group home to check out how that works with Teen Pregnancy. God has given me the gift of working in a group home, so that I know how to run one. Wow. I never saw that coming... thought it was a good experience... never dreamed I'd need it for God's will in my life. Pray for me as I embark on what I believe God has called the next years of my life to do. Also pray for God to give me a team of girls to embark on this journey with me. There are skills I don't possess, I really need the Body of Christ to team up with me.
I've also been thinking a lot about identity vs role diffusion. I think that is the Erikson stage I am in. I am learning about what I believe and realizing that I can believe whatever I want. My dad can help direct me, but I am on my own to discover and choose things. I am growing up. It's interesting to think of hard questions.. one that comes to mind is Did God create the world in 7 24 hour days? I've never thought or cared about that before. I care more about relational questions.
I thought I would throw out there, life is becoming manageable. Thanks for your prayers. They were answered! And today, I was challenged to again surrender my life and goals and everything to God through prayer this morning. I also desire to read my Bible more. I am in awe of the truth and revelation in the Bible. God is good!
I wonder sometimes how beneficial it is to ponder my past. Like is it worth walking back through. Sometimes there are great benefits. Like the other day, I vividly remembered my grandparents house on Franklin in Ames. I remember the comfort I found in being around my grandparents. I felt a sense of the love from my grandma through things like her itching my back, cooking pizza with me, walking over to the park, among other things. I just had a firm security there. Jumping on the trampoline, going to the track behind the house, riding in my barbie car, i think we even had a garden at some point, I felt loved by the room i had, i remember many bathes in the tub gram doing my hair under the faucet, being scared of the boogie man downstairs, watching tv next to my grandpa.. knowing he would always take care of me, toby, spending the night sleeping between gram and grandpa, helping gram do things like making the bed, the cracks in the driveway, riding my tricycle that had a dump box, the swingset, the big tree, playing hide and seek, but primarily.. I remember being SAFE there.. i was still insecure and scared, but more secure than anywhere else. Man, God blessed me with my grandparents. I think they might get to come out this weekend and I am super pumped. I miss them alot brings tears thinking about it. What a huge blessing. A gift.
I hope as I work through more bitterness that I will be able to recall memories like this of my mom and dad. The blessings they gave me growing up. It hurts sometimes to think about how much I wanted to grow up and be like my mom. I love her. I loved doing laundry with her, seeing her take such good care of our house. And dear old dad, I be just like him. I got to talk to him this morning, it always brightens my day. He has come so far over the years. To think, today the first person I want to ask advice from is MY DAD. I love him. He rocks my face off. He is growing so much. I hope to marry a guy like him someday. He helps run a business, he leads, he comes out of his past and plows through walls. He's walked out of a divorce and today holds his head high. Oh I love him.
Maybe I have found some worth in thinking about my past.
Another thing, I am the President.. i repeat PRESIDENT of a club. That means I am in charge.. I haven't realized that yet. Pray that I would take iniative in leading the club.
The final thing I have been pondering is friendships... I like have been visualizing a pieces of a puzzles. the different friendships are different puzzle pieces. I love my friends. I love that they're there when i need them. I don't like learning to trust people, but God is doing a work here in Marion with me trusting. It's a beautiful thing. I have some tight friends here, and hopefully I will be meeting some people to team up with me in my mission. :)

Life is good. God is good. I am blessed. The End.